Friends can naturally drift apart over the years. When you leave school and start your adult life, you can easily lose touch.
Often, your friends move to different cities or they have busy lives that leave no spare time to socialize with you anymore. When your adult responsibilities fill up your days, the months can quickly pass and before you know it, you’ve completely lost touch.
You’re not alone if you have a group of friends that you no longer speak to. It might have been so long since you last spoke, that you no longer label them as ‘friends’ but more ‘acquaintances’. The sort of people to whom you send a quick message on their birthday.
You might not mind losing touch with certain people, but for others, it might upset you that you’ve not spoken in a while. Sometimes, you don’t plan to lose contact and you actively try to keep the communication going. But when life gets in the way, there’s very little you can do.
Luckily, in these cases, there are some steps you can take to rekindle your long-lost friendships. It takes bravery and courage to reach out to people you’ve not been in contact with for years but it’s necessary if you want to reconnect.
Here are some steps to give you the confidence and clarity to take the leap and reach out to your old friends.
Find Their Contact Details
The first step is usually the most difficult, and that step of finding your old friend’s contact details so you can reach out to them.
There are a number of ways that you can go about doing this. The first method you can use is probably the most obvious one, but that is to make a quick Google search of their name.
You might be able to find their contact details easily using Google but the problem arises if they’ve changed their name or don’t have any personal details online.
You may also search on social media and find your old friend’s accounts. If their profiles are public, you’ll be able to reach out directly to them. However, if they have their privacy setting turned on, you might struggle to get in touch.
The final option is to use a public records search company, such as USSearch. These companies hold billions of public records, including names, addresses, phone numbers, and email addresses.
Just one quick search on a public records search company’s website can bring up all of the details you need to finally reconnect with your long-lost friend.
Start The Conversation Off Small
When you’ve not spoken to someone in a long time, it can feel odd to get in touch with them out of the blue. Doing so might make the other person defensive or drive them away before you’ve even had a chance to reconnect.
Start things off with some light conversation. Maybe ask how they’ve been or what they’ve been up to. If you’ve seen a recent post they made about a new job, send your congratulations and spark the conversation this way.
It’s much better to personalize your messages and put thought into your wording. You want it to come across in a genuine way and not a nosy, prying manner.
Based on their response, you can determine the best way to move forward with the conversation.
Expect Them To Have Changed
When reconnecting with somebody you’ve not seen in years, things might be different. You’ve both grown up and you may have completely unique lives.
Your old friend might have new interests and opinions than they used to. It’s important to accept this and appreciate your differences.
You might both have loved going to parties in the past but maybe that’s not something they are interested in anymore. Don’t be surprised if their interests have changed and their priorities have shifted.
When you’re making plans, try and find an activity that both of you will enjoy. Ask, it’s important to make sure you choose an activity that enables the two of you to chat one-on-one. This way, you can learn more about each other and have a much-needed catch-up!
Maybe you can arrange to go for lunch in a nice cafe or grab a coffee together. You could even hit the mall and go shopping, followed by a delicious restaurant meal. Figure out what suits the two of you and get planning!
Be Selective About The Friends You Reconnect With
If you genuinely want to rekindle an old friendship that will last for years to come, you can’t just reach out to any old friend. You need to be selective with the people you reconnect with.
You might be nostalgic about certain friendships from your past. But when you sit and think more deeply about them, you might start to remember some of the negatives about these friendships.
Try to think about the friends that you had a genuine connection with in the past, not just those that used to enjoy a crazy night out with you. They might not be the best choice if you’re looking for a sustainable, long-term friendship.
Yes, you had a lot of funny moments. You laughed endlessly as you got drunk together. But would this friendship suffice now, when you’re both much older and more mature?
You want friends who you can easily chat to about anything and everything. Not just the ones who enjoyed a drink or two with you.
As an adult, it’s more important to have deeper connections with people than it is to have friends who just love to party.
Final Thoughts
Reaching out to an old friend can be intimidating but it can be one of the best decisions you ever make.
People fall out of touch for a number of reasons and your old friends might also be wondering what you’re up to. But building new, deeper connections with your long-lost friends is absolutely possible.
Follow the steps above and you might be able to rekindle some of the best friendships of your past.